The Break Up Healing Process – Tuli Banerjee

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The Break Up Healing Process – How to Survive All the Stages of a Break Up
Intro – How to Get Over a Break Up – Keys to Healing and Happiness Again
Tuli Banerjee
Everybody loves the “Break up song,” from ‘Ae Dil Hai Mushkil,’ but Anushka Sharma didn’t get the lyrics entirely correct. Breaking up isn’t just hard to do. It’s a crazy torture to oneself. And almost everyone we meet on the road has gone through the stages of a break up at least once in their life.
It’s hard not to feel the sting once a relationship ends, and if it is a long term relationship break up, then it’s even harder not to take it personally. But understanding that it is possible to make through the sadness after breaking up and even see advantageous changes in you in the end can make the grief gauntlet more manageable.
The feelings associated with finding yourself after a break up can be compared to nothing less than an emotional amputation. The good news is that the sadness doesn’t last forever, and brighter days lay ahead.
Post break up recovery time to heal can differ from person to person, though my interaction personal experiences with people around indicates that it takes not more than 3 months to go through the 7 stages of a break up healing process and overcome a break up.
While you cry and indulge yourself into sad Jagjit Singh songs, trying to put the pieces of your life back together, you may experience most of these stages of a break up during the recovery process:
1) Feeling of Shock: “Did this really happen?”
When you have an unexpected break up, it may make you feel too confusing, too lonely, too shocked. Shock is the body’s natural protection against pain. Don’t be surprised if you experience trouble in sleeping or feel a literal loss of breath. It is natural.
What you must do:
• Do not freak out. Very soon you will make sense of all of this!
• Do experiment with what calms you like early morning runs or meditation or a short vacation.

2) Feeling of Denial: “This can NOT be happening.”
Denial happens as a result of your rejection of reality combined with the bulk of feelings stored inside you. The feeling denial makes you not accept the fact that you just had a breakup – providing you hopes for a possible reunion. While you are going through this stage of a break up, it is common for you to WhatsApp, call up or even stalk on Facebook .

What you must do:
• Open up to a trusted friend and unleash your emotions, fears, and all your unreasonable thoughts.
• Do not pretend that your break up does not have to be dealt with. You need to deal with it.
3) Feeling of Isolation: “I don’t want anyone else in my life. I simply want to go through all of it by myself.”
The sadness you feel after breaking up makes you replay your relationship over and over in your mind – making you try to figure out where exactly it fell apart and what you could have done to save it. This stage of recovering from break up gets you in the state of withdrawal – you don’t even feel like updating your Facebook status or checking your WhatsApp messages. You may not want to leave your bed, sitting all alone in silence with a bucket of ice cream makes you feel better than going outside and facing the the world accept that – ‘yes, it is all over.’

What you must do:
• Think of creative reasons to face the day (social activities, work).
• Do not feed your irrational thoughts by self-pitying and feeling that ‘I am not good enough for anyone’ or ‘No one will ever love me again.’

4) Anger: “I so much hate you for breaking my heart”
This is the stage where your heart moves from being sad to being getting angry. You feel mad towards your ex for the breakup. This is the stage in your break up where you may find yourself burning pictures of your ex or slandering your ex to your common friends.
What you must do:
• Talk and talk about your anger to someone you know who would not judge you. If you don’t feel like talking to anyone, write about your anger.
• Do not ever act on it.
5) Feeling of Negotiating: “What will it take to get my ex back?”
This stage is about you trying hard to get your ex back, and this may involve finding yourself even praying for the same. Many times, this stage also includes vindicating your own guilt if you feel that you have done something wrong which might have caused the break up.
You may find yourself so desperate after a break up that you begin to negotiate with yourself or your ex. You may even go to extremes like becoming/copying someone else (less jealous, leaner, fitter) in order to make amends — which is nothing but your way to deal with the pain you are feeling.

What you must do:
• Compile a list of all that makes you happy and make a wish-list of things you want in your future.
• Do NOT include the name of your ex in the list!

6) Feeling of Depression: “I don’t think I will ever get over my break up.”
The sadness you feel after breaking up can become too overwhelming at this stage. It is natural for you to suffer from mild depression at this point. Getting out of bed feels difficult, and you may even suffer from fever and other physical pains and aches eternalizing the deep feelings of sadness, helplessness and hopelessness.
What you must do:
• Surround yourself with positive people.
• Do not fall prey to unhealthy practices like drinking or binge eating.
7) Feeling of Acceptance: “I realize now that why I’m not with my ex at present, and I know that I will be happier than before.”
The final stage of acceptance is where you find yourself after a break up. It makes all the other really tough stages worth it. This is the one that gives you that welcome sense of exhalation and you finally get the feel of being happy after a break up since you begin to realize what your past meant and what your future can hold. Finally the sun begins to shine for you, and you start feeling like yourself again – ready to move on.
What you must do:
• Celebrate getting through your break up.
• You may still feel moments of sadness from time to time, but it is natural – just keep your calm and move onward and upward.

Story. Kdbhatt

TejGujarati
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